Thursday, April 29, 2010

You Suck (Love Story #2) by Christopher Moore

Nineteen-year-old Tommy is a bewildered hipster recently relocated to San Francisco from Incontinence, Ind. His sarcastic redhead (and bloodsucking) girlfriend, Jody, brings him into the fold of the undead ("I wanted us to be together," she says). Tommy, understandably, has mixed feelings; vampirism has its perks (you can turn to mist, live forever and the sex is awesome), but sunlight is death and blood hunger makes you do some pretty foul things. Also, the duo is hunted by Elijah, the ancient vampire who "turned" Jody and wants her back, and a band of Safeway stock boys/amateur vampire hunters known as the Animals (with whom pre–dark side Tommy once rolled). With the assistance of their devoted minion, goth girl Abby Normal, whose hilarious diary entries form part of the narrative, Tommy and Jody evade their pursuers, feeding at night and conking out at dawn, all the while learning how vampirism complicates love.

"You bitch, you killed me. You suck!"

Being dead sucks. Make that being undead sucks.

Literally. Just ask Thomas C. Flood. Waking up after a fantastic night unlike anything he's ever experienced, he discovers that his girlfriend, Jody—the woman of his dreams—is a vampire. And surprise! Now he's one, too.

For some couples, the whole biting-and-blood thing would have been a deal breaker. But Tommy and Jody are in love, and they vow to work through their issues. Like how much Jody should teach Tommy about his new superpowers (and how much he needs to learn on his own). Plus there's Tommy's cute new minion, sixteen-year-old goth girl Abby Normal. (Well, someone has to run errands during daylight hours!)

Making the relationship work, however, is the least of Jody and Tommy's problems. Word has it that the vampire who nibbled on Jody wasn't supposed to be recruiting any new members into the club. Even worse, Tommy's erstwhile turkey-bowling pals are out to get him, at the urging of a blue-dyed Las Vegas call girl named (duh) Blue.

And that really sucks.

Jody turned Tommy into a vampire. He was mad and told her she should have asked him first. He said it was inconsiderate and she should have had better manners. She brought up the point that he had sex with her when she was unconscious. He said:

(p2) "That's not the same," Tommy said. "I
was just being friendly, like when you put a quarter in someone else's parking meter when they aren't there--you know they appreciate it later, even if they don't thank you personally."

The good thing about being a vampire is it fixed all imperfections. Tommy now had clear skin and their bodies were perfect, but just like they were. Jody had always wanted to lose 5 pounds, but now she never will.

Chapter 2 is called "The Last Poop". Enough said about that chapter!

They needed to eat, so they ended up renting a cat to feed off. Tommy fed from it, but he felt like he had cat breath, so Jody passed. She ended up feeding off the bum that owned the cat without him even knowing it.

They had sex and Tommy said it was the most amazing sex he ever had.

They kidnapped William the cat guy so they could draw his blood and store it.

I liked the first book in this series, but this one did kind of suck.

Tommy and Jody got a girl (Abby Normal) to help them since they are both vampires now. She was in charge of finding them an apartment and doing other things during the daytime that the couldn't do. Abby is very annoying. Here is part of what she says:
So I was all..and he was all..and I was like...and he was all...

I had a hard time keeping track of everything and it put me to sleep. I have the third book, but I am a little reluctant to read it right now. Maybe I will switch over to something else first. It took everything I had to finish this book. I gave it 2 out of 5 stars.

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